— Fri, 15th August 2008 —

The average guy learns at a young age to take a punch (in the arm, at least); to stand fast in the face of competition; to stomach the site of a little blood.

Shopping, however, leaves many of us at a loss for wits. The little experience we do have often takes the shape of nightmarish trips with a doting mom or impatient dad to cold department-store changing-rooms where we were forced to strip down under florescent lights and try on ill-fitting clothes in foreign fabrics like polyester and corduroy.

As we realized today, the melee that is Barneys Warehouse Sale can reduce even the most seasoned shopper to that exposed child, lost and anxious among the mountains of seemingly indistinguishable suits, jackets, coats, shirts, and sweaters.

Nothing fit, everything looked like shit, the pricing schemes were a mystery, and the only jacket that felt just right, from Lanvin, was still priced at well over $1,000.

The solution? Go back to the basics, i.e., The Beggar’s Barneys Warehouse Sale Rules:

• Go with a list of items you need for the coming season, and stay focused.

• Know your measurements beforehand, and stick to your assigned sections.

• Bring someone to offer second opinions, ***but make sure they know how a piece of clothing should fit.*** Too many wives and mothers were seen giving bad advice at the sale on Thursday.

• Know how a suit should fit —

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