Footwear FAILS

— Fri, 19th March 2010 —

Listen, clothes aren’t that important. At the end of the day, we’d easily endorse a good man in a polyester tracksuit over a snake in Savile Row’s finest. That said, for the sake of your professional career and personal reproductive aspirations, we strongly suggest that you consider this list of style fails compiled by our friends at GQ. Surprisingly, though, the list’s missing some of the biggest fails we see around town, the most common of which is the (Kenneth Cole) square-toe dress shoe — in lace-up and loafer form. To call these things unrefined is like calling the Nets a work in progress. We’ll get to clothes later (suggestions?), but other all-too-common footwear fails include:

“Hybrids” — Some occasions call for sneakers; some call for shoes. None call for these ill-conceived eyesores.
“Contoured” (Puma) kicks and (Paul Smith) dress shoes — They had their moment about 10 years ago, but now it’s time to put this streamlined look out of its misery. Like the lesson we learned with “hybrids,” if life calls for a sharper looking sneaker, wear a shoe.
“???” — We don’t have a name for these monstrosities, but they and their beastly brethren are all over the place. They’re like the black square-toe’s ugly cousin. God-awful.

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